


Of stars, the moon, fireflies and souls

by tamamushigami



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: AUish I assume, Established Relationship, Kinda but not really, M/M, Minor Kozume Kenma/Kuroo Tetsurou, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Post-Canon, hints of other shippings I like, look it's Kuroo, tsukkiyamafest
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-02-03
Updated: 2015-02-06
Packaged: 2018-03-10 08:11:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 6,434
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3283226
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tamamushigami/pseuds/tamamushigami
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>My late contributions to the Tsukkiyamafest I noticed was ongoing like yesterday.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. How our horizons meet

**Author's Note:**

> 1\. Cheesy Love Songs 
> 
> As usual, I wrote this on phone so I apologize the amount of errors OTL I didn't want to dwell to much on the setting itself so it's pretty much dialogue based (with some artistic freedom again with their grown-up versions). I'm such a sucker for Yamaguchi with longer hair btw. You've been warned.
> 
> Inspired by Ed Sheeran's All of the stars

Monday morning. The worst time of the week. Despite the promise of a nice weather outside, it didn't sit right to move out of the warm, soft bed he was lying in. He was curled up in the pastel blue blanket, feet sticking out at some places and hair messed up as usual. It would be a good day, maybe. Who was he kidding? Mondays were always a pain. A faint buzz on his right demanded his attention. He groaned as he rolled over and picked up the buzzing phone.

"Yes?" He groaned and searched for his glasses at the nightstand.

"Ah, Tsukki? You awake?"

"I wouldn't answer the phone if I wasn't, Yamaguchi."

"True, " Yamaguchi chuckled and Tsukishima could hear his clothes shuffle on the other line. "Are you home or...?"

"Yeah, I got back home last night."

"Good! I'm on my way over to you, I figured your fridge might need a refill."

"Most likely, how long?"

"About three minutes Tsukki, so get your ass up from the bed and put on some decent clothing before I arrive or leave the door open and take a shower."

Yamaguchi hung up and Tsukishima groaned out loud before he pushed himself out of bed to unlock the door for the shorter male. Before hitting the shower, he fished out some fresh underwear, a plain white t-shirt and some track pants from his still unpacked bag. Around three minutes later, he heard the door open and a familiar voice filled the apartment.

"Tsukki! I'm here!"

"Coming."

Tsukishima finished his shower quickly and changed into his clothes and walked to the kitchen where Yamaguchi was filling his fridge with food and beverage. The blonde sat down by the table and waited for Yamaguchi to finish up. When he was done, Yamaguchi filled a glass with juice and took out a fresh sandwich for Tsukishima.

"How was your trip Tsukki? Inspiring?"

"It was okay, a bit plain actually."

"How so?"

"Nothing I couldn't have written about by some simple Internet research."

"Is that so... You at least get a free trip!"

"I rather be home."

Yamaguchi took the glass Tsukishima had finished and the leftover paper on the sandwich and put the glass in the sink and threw the paper. Tsukishima laid his head on the table and sighed out loud.

"How long will you be here?" He asked Yamaguchi who was fiddling with the old radio on the windowsill.

"Maybe a week more or so, I'm not sure."

"Another long tournament again or are you just filling in?"

"I'm filling in this time, although they said they wanted me on full-time the next tournament."

"I see."

"It's been a while since we saw each other, isn't it?" Yamaguchi turned his gaze to Tsukishima as he said that and a gentle, sad smile painted his lips. Tsukishima nodded silently and held the gaze. There were no hidden emotions behind the gazes, only the raw truth. Silent words flew between them, creating an inaudible discussion neither of them actually knew consisted of. It wasn't really important. It didn't hold any importance to what they wanted to tell the other.

"Look Tsukki, the sun is rising."

Tsukishima walked over to Yamaguchi by the window and stood behind him as he looked out of the window. The sun had slowly to sneak up by the horizon and greeted the earth with its light presence. A raspy sound broke the trance Tsukishima entered by watching the sunrise. Yamaguchi had turned on the radio and the sound slowly filled the kitchen.

"You really like that radio, don't you?"

"It holds old memories Tsukki, of course I like it."

"Do you remember..."

"Remember the time when I got you it the first time?"

"It was when I moved in, right?"

"Yeah, and you couldn't for your life understand why you would need an old radio when you got the whole Internet."

"I still find it unnecessary.”

“Yet you haven’t thrown it out.”

“It was a gift. You don’t throw away gifts.”

Yamaguchi smiled and jumped up on the kitchen bench and sat on the same level as Tsukishima’s eyes. Yamaguchi took in Tsukishima’s appearance with care and noticed that age had indeed taken a toll on the tall blonde as well. His hair had gotten longer (he didn’t really bother to take care of it properly after university), face and body structure more prominent but along with those changes, time left its scars. Aside from the dark circles under Tsukishima’s eyes, Yamaguchi could see the faint traces of wrinkles appearing at different places. Tsukishima still looked fit, thanks to his tall stature but Yamaguchi knew that all the nice and hard worked muscles from high school and university started to disappear. Tsukishima didn’t really have that much time to keep up with training, unlike Yamaguchi, with his constant travels scheduled.

“You should take a break soon Tsukki, you’re starting to disappear.”

“Cannot.”

“You need the rest to function properly you know.”

“I still have more to achieve.”

Throughout the years, the fact that Tsukishima only did what he needed to had changed. Yamaguchi wasn’t sure what really made the bespectacled male to aim for a higher goal than needed, since he’d never seen him do that before, but if Tsukishima was that dead set on achieving something, Yamaguchi wasn’t someone to complain. However, he felt the other male could most likely take the chill pill.

“I do miss you, you know?”

“I know.”

Yamaguchi grasped the hem of Tsukishima’s shirt and leaned his head onto his shoulder. Tsukishima leaned into the warmth that was Yamaguchi and buried his nose into the brown mess of hair as he intertwined one of his hands with one of Yamaguchi’s.

“It’s been a while indeed…”

“Only some more months left for you, right Tsukki?”

“Yes.”

“And after that?”

Tsukishima sighed softly into Yamaguchi’s hair and squeezed his hand a bit harder. The choices after were always the hardest. The most important ones as well. No one really knew what would happen before the time so planning something big beforehand often felt useless. Tsukishima’s choices would depend on Yamaguchi as well. Tsukishima’s work as a writer made him travel a lot, writing about everything between heaven and earth that others didn’t feel like to put into words. His last project after this short break would allow him to be free for a long time, he’d been working on this writing ever since he graduated from university. Yamaguchi most likely knew how much work and effort he had put into this, which was unusual for him, but a small, nagging feeling inside him told him it was worth it - even if it ended up as a failure. The only thing he actually regretted was that he had to leave Yamaguchi behind to achieve it. That was something he was reluctant to do, he didn’t know back then what the other male had decided to do after university. However, Yamaguchi had walked up to him shortly before graduation and told him proudly, with some hesitation, that he’d been invited to the Japan’s national high school volleyball team as an extra coach. Tsukishima knew that Yamaguchi had worked hard during university to get to this point of life, so he wasn’t anyone to tie him down. Just like him, Yamaguchi had felt reluctant to leave him, but after some mutual agreements, they walked totally different paths for the first time. It wasn’t like they would ever have a so-called normal relationship like others, but at that time, the solution seemed correct. However, after years of being apart, only seeing each other now and then (as much as possible), although keeping in contact through all means possible, they both realized that settling down would be good for the both of them. Neither of them had approached the topic before, but years of being together made them understand the fact anyways.

“After that I’ll be by your side.”

“So cheesy Tsukki.”

“Not as cheesy as the love songs on the radio.”

“Almost.”

“You know our horizons meet anyways.”

“And the stars will guide us home?”

Yamaguchi giggled and embraced the taller male and Tsukishima moved one to Yamaguchi’s lower back, holding him steady, and the other to his hair, freeing the messy hair from the hair tie, playing with it as it fell. The radio continued to play its cheesy love songs, filling the atmosphere with a feeling of home while the sun rays crept into the kitchen window, illuminating the two with its golden light, blessing them with another day to come.


	2. Communication is the key

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Communication is the key they say. Sadly, communication has never been a strong point for any of them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 2\. Video Diaries
> 
> I managed to write the second prompt quite fast - comparing to how I usually write... after years of being out of the fanfic business, I'm still rusty and I easily lose the red thread. I am pretty sure I lost how I wrote the tenses at some point as well.. oh well. It's never been my strongest point OTL
> 
> Hopefully, this Tsukkiyama fest can get me back on track how to write and maybe find a style I am comfortable with. So enjoy the unedited fics from me until I can be bothered to adjust them properly c: (one day I promise you I can give you quality fics...)

Communication is the key they say. Sadly, communication has never been a strong point for any of them. While Tsukishima put most of his thoughts out loud for everyone to hear, it was often what people didn't want to hear. He wasn't the most tactful person after all. Yamaguchi on the other hand often said what others wanted to hear rather than what he himself thought. How they managed to communicate with each other was a mystery to others. On the outside, it seemed like everything was okay while it wasn't. There weren't many people who could butt in about their relationship as Tsukishima preferred to exclude himself from any unnecessary communication and Yamaguchi wasn't the person people took notice of in the first place. The two of them had their silent, mutual agreements that had developed throughout years together, which made them understand each other without needing to speak out loud, but even so it wasn't waterproof.

 

They both had their insecurities they kept to themselves and didn't want the other to worry about. Despite Tsukishima's cold exterior and manners towards people (especially Yamaguchi), he was perfectly aware of the freckled boy's presence and impact on his life. He didn't take the boy for granted but didn't - couldn't, dare to show more affection towards Yamaguchi in public than he already did. He knew Yamaguchi knew everything about his small gestures and affection, but Tsukishima knew that Yamaguchi needed confirmation now and then. Which was something Tsukishima wasn't the best at showing. Yamaguchi on the other hand didn't want to bother Tsukishima. He knew the taller boy cared for him - he knew how to interpret his actions after all. However, it didn't stop Yamaguchi to feel he wasn't enough. He was content being himself, working hard (the thing Tsukishima didn't do) for his goals and keep himself content with his efforts. What he needed confirmation of was that someone, as important as Tsukki was to him, to say ' _it was good_ '. That someone who affected his life and choices accepted his efforts. The fact that his teammates or family praised him or acknowledged him didn't make the same impact as if _Tsukishima_ did it. His family loved him no matter what he did after all, despite the struggles he'd encountered, and his teammates were important but his life didn't quite revolve around them. Tsukishima had been his turning point in life when they first met (not that Tsukishima could recall that), engraving himself and his name into Yamaguchi's bare soul and existence like no one else did before. Yamaguchi was very thankful for Tsukishima's existence and he knew the other felt the same way around. After all, Yamaguchi had not dug deep about the older Tsukishima sibling when they had their fallout, he'd stood by Tsukishima's side silently and supported him the best he could. Even now, as wounds were healing, Yamaguchi hadn't touched the delicate topic since the summer camp. It was during the summer camp they had noticed their way of communication didn't quite work like it had before. For the first time in a while, words were spoken and matters were not left in the dark for own assumptions. They both knew spoken words would not be their main choice of communication as it was now, they both had their inner demons to fight after all.

 

"What do you say about doing video diaries?"

Yamaguchi had voiced his thoughts about it during a study session after the summer camp at Tsukishima's residence. The blonde had looked skeptically at him and waited for a longer explanation.

"We each record our thoughts and whatever we can't say to each other with our current communication system and we later exchange it."

Tsukishima had considered it as a waste of time, but Yamaguchi reminded the blonde that if he couldn't even talk about his matters to an inanimate object, how would he expect Yamaguchi to actually understand him? Yamaguchi wasn't a mind reader. Tsukishima had given in after some thoughts and they agreed that a phone camera or webcam would work just fine.

Their first exchange had been pretty silent and they only exchanged thoughts they both could know by simply be with each other. They had to test the waters after all. Despite how comfortable they were with each other, they weren't very prone to actually express themselves. The exchanges slowly and gradually turned into deeper entries. They never really approached each other about what they had said in their entries but if one squinted, they could notice how the tension in their speech patterns and choices of words were affected by what the other had said before. Slowly and gradually, their relationship didn't feel as tense as it felt before.

There's an extent how open you can be with someone and some secrets are better off not being known. This of course applied on them as well. Some facts went unspoken. Their own insecurities didn't immediately disappear - they didn't expect them to do that either, and it was one of the things that went unspoken. Neither of them knew how to breach the topic properly but deep down, they knew they would have to. One day.

  
  


That day however, would be the same day when Tsukishima had accidentally confessed to Yamaguchi. It wasn't fireworks and flowers or a calm and slow transition like others in their team had so openly explained during a training camp. It had been quiet. Dead quiet but not awkward. It had been during the pillow talk the team was so fond of having between sleep and showers. Tanaka and Nishinoya had started the topic about ' _what you can't live without_ ' and listed an infinite amount of things. Kageyama and Hinata alike had of course replied ' _volleyball_ ' among some other things when asked. No one had really been surprised. Someone had pointed out that Yamaguchi 'couldn't live without Tsukishima' and that it was ' _painfully obvious_ ', whether the freckled boy had felt offended or embarrassed at that, they didn't know. It had first come off as a minor joke, seeing that it was obvious that Yamaguchi centered his life around Tsukishima, but Yamaguchi had agreed; Tsukishima _was_ a vital point of his life. No matter how he turned and bent on the fact. He had gotten knowing looks from Sugawara after he'd said that. When the question had been thrown onto Tsukishima, as a mere attempt to involve him in their ' _high school adventures_ ', they hadn't expected him to actually answer. If he had answered, they had expected a sarcastic reply. However, Tsukishima had only replied with ' _Yamaguchi_ '. Whether it had been for the said boy to come with him to get ready for bed or as a honest answer, no one in the team except Yamaguchi knew. (They had gotten the fact straight later on anyways.)

Yamaguchi had first interpreted it as a command to get ready, but the gears had soon started to move and when they had been alone in the bathroom, realization hit him. Tsukishima's simple reply consisted of so much more than just an answer. To Yamaguchi, it had broken down the walls he'd built to protect himself from his insecurities about not being ' _enough_ ' for Tsukishima. After some lame giggles and cheesy dialogues, they both had established a whole new platform to communicate on. Yamaguchi's insecurities didn't automatically disappear, but with Tsukishima's silent approval they eased down. Tsukishima himself had felt a weight lift from his heart. Despite knowing that he'd have to confirm his feelings and thoughts even more now, he felt like the confession did the biggest impact. Tsukishima hadn't needed millions of words to express how he felt about the other, he hadn't needed to assure Yamaguchi that he ' _was enough_ ' for him. He hadn't needed to express himself in detail. This simple acknowledgment had been enough for Yamaguchi and Tsukishima could see that clearly. Like anyone else, they both needed time to get into their new routine but neither felt the urge to speed it up.

 

They continued to share video diary entries with each other, but now they mostly consisted of cheesy compliments they couldn't say during the day. They took their time to talk with each other, on another level than before, never missing a beat how the other reacted and replied. One day, Sugawara had spontaneously said ' _I'm happy you both figured it out by yourselve_ s' to them and it had left them both a bit confused. Their lack of communication hadn't affected the team like Kageyama and Hinata's. Give it to Sugawara though, to know what's going on despite not being the main character in any story but his own. They stopped with the videos when they entered their second year at Karasuno. With a new beginning of another year to come, they set their new communication platform in motion. Being together had never felt so right before.

  
  


**_"You're by my side as if you belong there."_ **

  
  


Communication is the key they say. Today, their communication is still not perfect - they are only humans after all, but it had changed to the better.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> While I wrote the previous prompt dialogue heavy, I wrote this one with less. I didn't want to dwell much about what the video diaries actually consisted of, since I felt I'd be straying too far from my main plot that they used the diaries as means to communicate. Communicating can be done in a lot of different ways so I didn't want to constrict them to a certain way.  
> That said, communicating as friends and as lover/partners on various levels, requires different methods as well (or so I believe). Of course, your lover can be your best friend, but from what I know, you unconsciously communicate differently depending on which way you want your other to reply as. At least for me, so I kinda wanted to highlight that here in case you got confused by the "new communication platform" thingy.
> 
> and mmmyes, the "You're by my side as if you belong there." (お前が当たり前のようにそこにいる) part is taken from Yowapeda (all dem toumaki feels). bury me in it.


	3. Ditched by technology

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yamaguchi decides to broaden his network of friends to lessen his presence around Tsukishima.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't even know, please help. and I just like the thought of Kuroo bugging Tsukki because he knows Kenma is with Yamaguchi. Do I need a reason for making Tsukki suffer? Nope. (omgshootme)

Today's technology allowed people to interact on a whole new level. The phenomenon called 'Internet' made it possible for people to find others with similar interests without revealing themselves fully. It of course came with a lot of risks but for some people the Internet became a very important form of social interaction they couldn't muster in real life. Yamaguchi Tadashi was 15 when he started to hang around different forums matching his interests. It was the beginning of his new high school era, he had decided. During middle school he had gotten along with most of his classmates, like a good classmate should, but there was none he had really called 'friend', except Tsukishima Kei (despite how it looked to others). Sadly, he had a tendency to attract bullies as well. Being by Tsukishima's side had given him a temporary barrier from the threats, but when high school started, Yamaguchi thought it was high time to be less of a bother to his dear childhood friend. Tsukishima didn't particularly complain about how Yamaguchi stuck around him like a plaster, but the freckled boy wanted to be able to stand on his own.

  
  


"Are you still hanging around on those forums?" Tsukishima asked during a lunch break while they ate. Yamaguchi looked up from his phone and blinked. "You've been doing it for almost a year now."

"Ah, yes. They're pretty fun actually."  He replied and took a bite of his food as he smiled. "You should try it yourself, it's a good distraction."

"Waste of time."

Yamaguchi's smiled faltered a bit but he composed himself and turned his attention back to his phone and replied to his new notification. Tsukishima studied the other boy and frowned. He knew Yamaguchi easily got engrossed in new things and wanted to 'fit in', but it never had been on the cost of his never-ending attention towards Tsukishima. In the back of his head, he knew he should feel relieved that Yamaguchi didn't constantly bug him with whatever was on his mind, but at the same time it left a space he never had noticed had been filled before. What Yamaguchi did on his free time had nothing to do with Tsukishima, and he wasn't anyone to hinder Yamaguchi from doing what he wanted, but after the summer camp in Tokyo, Tsukishima felt the other boy spent more and more time on his phone while being with him.

"Do you wanna come over for dinner?" Tsukishima asked before the break was over as they were packing their lunch boxes. "You don't have any extra practice today right? Mum said she misses you."

Startled, Yamaguchi looked up at Tsukishima and open his mouth on reflex to agree but,

"Sur- I can't today Tsukki, I'm sorry!"

Tsukishima tilted his head in disapproval and stared at Yamaguchi for an explanation. He had never turned down a dinner invite unless it had been for extra practice or family related things. This made Tsukishima a bit edgy. Did he take Yamaguchi's presence for granted?

"I've kinda signed up for an online meeting tonight as I didn't have any extra practice planned, and I've missed all the previous ones."

  
  


After practice, they walked home together as usual. The walk was unusually silent despite Yamaguchi not fiddling with his phone or Tsukishima wearing his headphones. When their intersection came, Yamaguchi spoke up and apologized,

"Sorry Tsukki! I'll promise to make up for it!"

"There's nothing to apologize for Yamaguchi." Tsukishima snorted and turned to put on his headphones for the remaining short walk home. "You can just come over another time."

Hearing that, Yamaguchi outwardly lit up and squeaked out an 'okay' before skipping home. He had been a bit nervous that Tsukishima might not want to invite him more now that he had turned down the invitation for something so 'wasteful', but knowing that Tsukishima wanted it to be another time comforted Yamaguchi's inner turmoil. He entered his house, bid his greetings to his parents before walking up to his room to dump his stuff. After dinner, Yamaguchi excused himself and told his parents he had an online meeting to attend. They nodded and didn’t ask further what it was about. They trusted their son to take care of himself. Ignorance is a bliss they say.

 

Yamaguchi sat down by his computer, logged in to the forum and managed his way into the communication room where the meeting would be held. Setting up the preferences in the chat room, he deselected the webcam option. There was no need for webcam if they weren’t comfortable with it, which Yamaguchi felt wasn’t something he was ready for now. The time slowly ticked by and people started to fill the chat room. With a nervous but excited smile, Yamaguchi braced himself for a new milestone in his life.

Not too far away, Tsukishima sat in silence (aside from the low sound emerging from his headphones around his neck) and played with his pen. He had already finished his home work and didn’t feel like watching the documentary he had planned to do if Yamaguchi had come over. The boredom was slowly killing him. The music didn’t really help either, sadly. To his rescue, his phone buzzed lightly and demanded his attention. Tsukishima knew it either had to be Yamaguchi (but he figured it wasn’t since the other boy would be busy with his meeting by now) or someone from his team (whoever that dared to enlighten his amazing evening). However, when he checked his message he got surprised.

 

> **Kuroo:**  Wazzup? Kenma ditched me for an online meeting and told me not to bother him, so I’m bored.

 

Tsukishima frowned and debated whether he should reply or not. He didn’t particularly want to associate with the Nekoma captain more than necessary but at the moment, he figured even the captain could save him from his boredom. If not, he could always try to get a payback from summer camp. If the Nekoma player also got ditched for the same reason (he assumed, since the half-blonde setter seemed to be into the forum things Yamaguchi told him about) as Tsukishima, he could give it a shot.

 

> **Tsukki:**  Why are you even texting me about it?
> 
>  
> 
> **Kuroo:**  Why not?
> 
>  
> 
> **Tsukki:**  Waste of time.
> 
>  
> 
> **Kuroo:**  Sounds like someone got ditched.

 

His eyebrow twitched in annoyment as the older boy hit the bull’s eye. How Kuroo knew he’d been ditched, he didn’t know, but wasn’t surprised at the same time.

 

> **Tsukki:**  … says you.
> 
>  
> 
> **Kuroo:**  At least I got company now! 8D
> 
>  
> 
> **Tsukki:**  Blocking you.
> 
>  
> 
> **Kuroo:**  Can’t do that Tsukki, you know you’re nowhere my level when it comes to blocking. ;)
> 
>  
> 
> **Tsukki:**  You’re an ass.
> 
>  
> 
> **Kuroo:**  I’m just telling you the truth. As a senpai I have to uphold my status and help my kouhais in need. I’m always this kind.
> 
>  
> 
> **Tsukki:**  Why do I even bother…
> 
>  
> 
> **Kuroo:**  Because you got ditched?
> 
>  
> 
> **Tsukki:**  You also got ditched.
> 
>  
> 
> **Kuroo:**  I’m not sulking cuz of it thou.
> 
>  
> 
> **Tsukki:**  not sulking. bored.
> 
>  
> 
> **Kuroo:**  then I’m the king of Japan.
> 
>  
> 
> **Tsukki:**  Japan got no king.
> 
>  
> 
> **Kuroo:**  As expected from you Tsukki!!
> 
>  
> 
> **Tsukki:**  Stop calling me Tsukki.
> 
> It’s annoying.
> 
>  
> 
> **Kuroo:**  You let Freckles call you that thou.
> 
> Is he a special case then?
> 
>  
> 
> **Tsukki:**  No. I just don’t bother.
> 
>  
> 
> **Kuroo:**  You hurt my feelings Tsukki, I’m sure Freckles would feel hurt too.
> 
>  
> 
> **Tsukki:**  What do you know about it…
> 
>  
> 
> **Kuroo:**  More than you know I assume.
> 
>  
> 
> **Tsukki:**  Ass.
> 
>  
> 
> **Kuroo:**  Respect Tsukki, show some respect for your elders. Ah look, Kenma’s back. Seems like they’re done, have fun with Freckles. I bet you have some stuff to talk about. Thanks for your company.

 

Give it to Kuroo to also ditch him just like that. Of course the Nekoma setter was top priority (and he didn’t want to know if Kuroo was at his place or the setter was as Kuroo’s). His phone buzzed again but this time it was Yamaguchi.

 

> **Yamaguchi:**  I’m done! It was fun! I think the setter from Nekoma… Kenma (?) was there as well, he didn’t say much though. I didn’t either but it was really fun.
> 
>  
> 
> **Tsukki:**  Good for you. Remember to actually sleep as well Yamaguchi.
> 
>  
> 
> **Yamaguchi:**  Okay Tsukki! Good night, see you tomorrow!

  
  


The weeks passed by and Tsukishima got updated about Yamaguchi’s weekly meetings and saw how the freckled boy glowered with enthusiasm and happiness as the days passed by. No matter how much Yamaguchi updated him and told him stories what happened on the forums, he felt distance grow. He felt like the space Yamaguchi earlier had filled up was so empty that nothing could replace it. The alone time that Tsukishima had wanted earlier was not needed. He wanted Yamaguchi’s constant presence. He wanted the other boy to come back to his usual orbit around him. He felt happy for Yamaguchi, he really did, but could he be so selfish to tell the other that he wanted him to be around him? Could he?

 

“Yamaguchi.” Tsukishima interrupted Yamaguchi’s ramblings about last night’s meeting and stopped in his tracks.

“What is it Tsukki?” Yamaguchi turned around and looked at the taller blonde with a gentle smile.

“Are you replacing me?” Being honest has always been Tsukishima’s strong side when talking, but it often was in the form of harsh words or variations of insults. He never told people what he really thought. This time however, he felt Yamaguchi deserved to hear his thoughts. How were they supposed to mend their fragile bonds if he couldn’t even address this problem of his?

“What do you mean Tsukki? I would never- oh.” Yamaguchi replied before realizing what Tsukishima really meant. He started to fiddle with his fingers and avoided Tsukishima’s gaze before he spoke up again. “I..am not.”

“It feels like we’re drifting apart.”

 “Did we ever drift together Tsukki?” Yamaguchi changed his expression and looked at Tsukishima straight on. The Yamaguchi in front of Tsukishima right now reminded him of the Yamaguchi that had confronted him at the summer camp. “Haven’t we always been like a ship and a lifeboat?”

 

It was an interesting definition of their relationship, Tsukishima thought. It had never struck him before how much Yamaguchi might have felt he really was the sidekick. Did Yamaguchi really think he was the lifeboat to his ship?

“I always thought it’d be better for the both of us if I could stand on my own, that I wouldn’t need your constant presence, that it would be less suffering for you to not have me around all the time. You never complained, I’ve notice Tsukki, but you have never said anything that you actually wanted to have me there by your side.” Yamaguchi continued and bit his lip nervously after he finished. It was as if they were back at the summer camp. He threw out all his thoughts at the taller one and immediately regretted them (to an extent), thinking that Tsukishima might think that ‘this time it’s enough’. “I know you’re not that mean that you would keep me by your side out of pity.”

“I thought it was obvious that I wanted you by my side.” Tsukishima shot back and took a step forward. “I never complained because I never saw a reason why you  _wouldn’t_  be by my side. I might be an ass, but I wouldn’t hinder you from extending your range of interests or friend circles because of that. What I didn’t expect was that it would feel like a part of me really had left.”

 

Words were never enough. They stared at each other and shared a moment of silence and understanding. Their shoulders relaxed and Tsukishima let out a breath he didn’t know he’d been holding as Yamaguchi walked up in front of him and took a hold of the hem of his sleeve.

“Are you saying that you miss me Tsukki?”

“I’m saying that I didn’t expect you to leave me alone.” Tsukishima looked down on the other boy and softened his gaze (as much as he could).

“Sorry Tsukki, I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable.” Yamaguchi apologized and gripped the hem a bit tighter. He hadn’t meant to make the taller boy uncomfortable. He had never thought Tsukishima would have seen his absence in this way. He had expected the opposite. The blonde sighed, pulled Yamaguchi closer to himself with one arm and rested his head on the shorter’s head.

“Shut up Yamaguchi.”

  
  
Sometimes, words weren’t needed. Actions weren’t needed. Sometimes, silence was the only thing they needed. For Tsukishima and Yamaguchi, they settled their problems silently afterwards, hand in hand and sharing gazes. The ship needs its life boat in case it breaks. The life boat needs the ship as its harbor. Yamaguchi’s internet friends had started to make them drift apart, but along with some much needed honesty, it ended up tying them together instead.  


	4. Hopes for the heart

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tsukishima and Yamaguchi end up living together when starting university and it's totally not good for Yamaguchi's heart.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Since I managed to confuse myself with the prompts I wrote this on a whim but didn't manage posting it on the 4th because gah, school work cramped together and I just wanna crawl into a hole or something ugh
> 
> I might continue on this idea later on though~

Moving away from home was never a light subject. Yamaguchi knew that from his own experiences. When he had told his parents he planned to apply to an university in Tokyo, they had been worried. How would their fragile and poor Tadashi survive in the concrete jungle alone? He barely could fix food for himself (he actually could but got so spoiled by his mother that he could never prove it). They had come up with the idea that he could live with Tsukishima. Because the other boy was also going to Tokyo, they had said. It wasn't like Yamaguchi already knew that, of course. Breaking news. Yamaguchi had tried to talk his parents out of that idea since:

 

  1. He didn't want to be a bother to Tsukki, the other boy surely has had enough of him already.
  2. His massive crush on the said other boy would most likely be exposed
  3. Tsukki would definitely oppose the idea since he would prefer to live alone in peace.
  4. His crush once again.



 

But of course fate had wanted the opposite what Yamaguchi wanted. Tsukishima had agreed on sharing a flat with Yamaguchi, since according to Tsukishima, Yamaguchi could make decent meals and household chores while he couldn't. Internally, Yamaguchi had screamed and cursed whatever God there was out there for putting him in this situation. Tsukishima's parents had been delighted to hear that their second son would be able to survive. (Tsukishima had refused to live with Akiteru after all.)  
Now, they were standing in their new apartment with everything unpacked (or as unpacked it could be when you just moved), eyeing their home for the coming years.

 

The apartment consisted of a small hall, bathroom on the right, two bedrooms, one smaller room acting like a closet and a kitchen combined with the 'living room'. They had a balcony as well (a very small one though) and about 20 minutes from campus and 2 minutes to the closest bus stop. The apartment complex was a student complex so their neighbors were most likely students of the same university or some close by.

"Take out tonight?" Yamaguchi asked as he sat down on a kitchen chair and stretched his sore limbs. Unpacking had taken a toll on him after all. How it could be more straining than their volleyball practices, he didn't know. "I don't think I can do any food right now."

"Sounds good to me." Tsukishima replied and walked over to the balcony door. Yamaguchi stared at the other's back and saw how the sunlight highlighted the blonde's contours, making his hair look gold. He sighed softly and grimaced. He couldn't fail on the first day. If he had managed so far to conceal his feelings, he could manage it now. It was just to start counting the days Tadashi. How many days can you hide it from Tsukki?

_**A week later** _

 

"Tsukki! Do you have anything you need to wash?" Yamaguchi shouted from the bathroom. The other male was seated at his desk in his room, working on some 'test assignment' his class had gotten.

"Bed." Came the reply and Yamaguchi stuffed his stuff into the washing machine before walking over to the other's room to collect the dirty clothes on his bed.

"What should I do with this one?" He held up a t-shirt he'd seen Tsukishima worn some days ago. The lower part of it had been ripped. Tsukishima looked up from his papers and gave the shirt a quick glance before waving it off and returning to his work.

"Just throw it away, it's useless anyways."

"Okay Tsukki."

Yamaguchi picked up Tsukishima's pile of clothes, stuffed them properly into the washing machine before looking at the ripped t-shirt. It was indeed useless. Not even Yamaguchi would dare to wear it outside. However, it was a waste to just throw it away, right? So Yamaguchi kept it for himself. He was so screwed.

_**Months later** _

 

Their university life had just set off into the slowly ride to hell and both of them felt like they were drowning in the work they’ve gotten. University life was hard indeed. Thanks to their different schedules, they didn’t spend too much together. At least that was what Yamaguchi’s heart thought. Yamaguchi himself didn’t mind spending time with Tsukishima, of course, and their small study sessions they’ve had were always quiet except for the paper’s rustling, pens writing or laptop keyboards clicking. They didn’t have time to share any words. Yamaguchi thought he’d been doing a pretty good job at hiding his feelings for Tsukishima, despite the other’s constant presence in their apartment. Of course some actions would seem more intimate because, hello, they were living together, so Yamaguchi being a mother hen over Tsukishima had been added to his Tsukki-arsenal. They didn’t spend much time on campus though, so not many actually knew of their relationship to each other (Yamaguchi could almost bet his life on that Tsukishima didn’t talk about him to his classmates, if he ever said anything), unless they’ve seen them together when arriving or leaving campus.

Exams came and the end of the semester saw it’s dying light and both of them got busier than usual. Tsukishima drew the short straw (depending on how you see it of course) and got his exams at the beginning of the period while Yamaguchi got some more days to prepare himself.  This however, turned out to be a turning point in their relation. Tsukishima, who passed his exams without a sweat, decided to dedicate the remaining time of the exam period to take of Yamaguchi - which first went unnoticed by the said boy. Tsukishima started to make simple meals (like sandwiches, which didn’t require him using the stove) for Yamaguchi, bringing him it or some snacks while he studied. He also made sure Yamaguchi went to sleep properly and kept himself clean. Since the freckled boy was so deep in his studies, he accepted Tsukishima’s sudden kindness automatically but after his first exam, realization hit him. Using the ‘let me sob forever in this corner’ excuse, he tried to lock himself in his room and to not to let his hopes up. Unfortunately for Yamaguchi, Tsukishima decided to comfort him by saying that ‘next time it’ll be better and I’ll help if you need it’ and offer him a bag of fries (soggy of course). Yamaguchi wondered when the tables would turn.

  
The day after his final exam for that period, when Yamaguchi came home, he plopped down on a chair in their kitchen and laid his head on the table. Tsukishima emerged from his room as he heard the shorter boy return home and raised his eyebrows and looked at the defeated form in their kitchen. Yamaguchi whined an inaudible sound that Tsukishima guessed was a ‘Tsukki’ of some sort while slumping further down the chair. He walked over to Yamaguchi and put his hands on the other’s shoulders and started to massage him lightly. Yamaguchi tensed slightly in surprise of Tsukishima’s sudden gesture but relaxed soon enough.

“You know you can ask for anything Yamaguchi, I won’t mind.” Tsukishima said in a low voice as Yamaguchi had started to doze off from the shoulder massage.

“Mhmm, anything you say Tsukki.” He replied automatically and leaned into the touch even further. Three seconds later, Yamaguchi realized he’d just offered his heart on a plate to Tsukishima. Before he could react any further, Tsukishima stopped his massage and ruffled Yamaguchi’s hair into a mess.

“Go and take a shower and we’ll watch that movie you’ve been talking about.”

  
Deciding that this Tsukishima wasn’t too bad, despite how his heart felt at the moment, Yamaguchi nodded and beamed and bright (as much as he could muster) smile before heading towards the shower. Maybe his heart wouldn’t survive the coming adventure during university, but if this kept up, he was sure he’d get a new heart soon enough.


End file.
